pilferingapples:

the iliad: Area Man Expected To Work With These Incompetents

the odyssey: Prodigal Asshole Returns

the aeneid: Man Who Thought He’d Lost All Hope Loses Last Additional Bit Of Hope He Didn’t Even Know He Still Had

the satyricon: I Fucked My Way Into This Mess, And I’ll Fuck My Way Out

medea: Relationship Not A Power Struggle, Woman Who’s Winning Reports

the bacchae: Area Man Just In Bad Mood Because He’s Tired And An Awful Human Being

iphigenia at aulis: Guests Forced To Pretend Wedding A Good Thing

agamemnon: Study Finds Expressing Anger In Unhealthy Ways Incredibly Satisfying

oedipus the king: True Courage Is Knowing You’re Wrong But Refusing To Admit It

herodotus’s histories: Historians Admit To Inventing Ancient Greeks

the poetry of catullus: Relationship Definitely Hurtling Toward Something

the ars amatoria: Man’s Relationship Advice Same As His Hunting Tips

the speeches of cicero: Here Are All Of My Opinions

the epigrams of martial: Come On, Lighten Up, I’m Just Being A Total Asshole